The other night on outreach duty at a local gay nightclub, as I was filling up the condom bucket in the ladies bathroom, a young woman came in, took a dental dam out and asked “when the hell will I ever need this?”
I told her that dental dams, squares of latex of polyurethane meant to cover someone’s vagina or anus during oral sex, are good for avoiding coming in contact with blood and vaginal fluids. Those fluids can spread HIV from an HIV positive person to someone who is HIV negative.
At this point, she appeared kind of worried, asking me, “Do you think I could have an STD?” I told her that no one can tell for sure just by looking, but that anyone who is sexually active should get tested for Sexually Transmitted Diseases and HIV regularly.
Just then, another woman, who seemed to know her, came into the bathroom and told me “If I have to use one of those things (meaning dental dams), I’m not going there (meaning, sex with that woman).” Then they both left.
The conversation made me reflect on my own experiences in the gay and bi women’s community here in Worcester. I’m from this city, and I realized that I’ve never once been intimate with a woman who pulled out a dental dam, or said anything about safe sex. Actually, as women having sex with women, we mostly assumed that the sex was automatically safe. We thought there was no need for a dental dam or any other kind of protection- WE certainly weren’t going to get HIV. I had heard vaguely about herpes and HPV… but I thought these were things that happened to straight girls.
In fact, I realized, I had never even heard of a dental dam before starting work with AIDS Project Worcester.
I shared these experiences with a friend from out of town, who looked shocked. My friend told me about growing up in the D.C. area, where it was apparently considered very rude to have sex with a woman in the gay and bi community without using gloves and a dental dam at least. The idea seemed to be that one just assumed that it was safe sex, or no go, and that safe sex was the only acceptable way to have sex in that community. The conversation really made an impression on me – it was so different from what I see and experience here in Worcester.
The reality is, even if you are a woman who only has sex with other women, you are at risk for HIV and STDS like syphilis, chlamydia or gonorrhea if you come in contact with another person’s blood or vaginal fluids. Getting gonorrhea of the throat from oral sex is a REAL RISK, and it REALLY HAPPENS. Some STDS, like HPV (the virus that causes genital warts) and herpes can be contracted just from skin to skin contact. The best way to avoid getting HIV or an STD is to use barrier methods- like dams or gloves, for example. And, if you are having unprotected sex, getting tested regularly for HIV and STDs is your best bet.
Having said that, it seems apparent to me that here in Worcester, in the gay and bi women’s community, we don’t have a widespread culture of using barrier methods like dental dams. What do we need to do to change this? How can we be safer individually, and promote a culture of safe sex in our community?
These are the questions I’m asking myself… what you do think?
Posted by Cha Cha